He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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