I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
