I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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