I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
