i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
