the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Terrible idea I love it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
