i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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