Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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