she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
