I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
