Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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