someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Damn victory sex feels great
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
