Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
