final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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