Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize