I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
