Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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