So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We need to get me chipped asap
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
