i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
