I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
