Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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