I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
