Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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