so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
