on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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