Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
