ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My pussy is not your playground.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
