I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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