we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
