listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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