ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
