Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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