I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
