Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
