I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
