Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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