hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
