dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize