He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
