you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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