Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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