i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
