bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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