walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't deserve a penis
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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