ya dads aren't the best wingmen
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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