Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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