Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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