Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
