My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I pour the whiskey from now on
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
