Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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