Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
