What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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