youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Your tits are I can't wait for
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
