Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
