You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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