so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
