I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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