At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
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