I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
