AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
