My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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