remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
