So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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