Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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