I'm so fucking centered right now
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
