My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
