you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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